Friday, January 2, 2015

Ready or Not - it's 2015!

Happy New Year!
2015 is certainly starting off on an interesting note in the Csillag household.

Last night, hidden in the darkness, it lurked. It waited patiently in the dark corners, poised to strike like a cobra. When the moment was just right, it struck with a vengeance.

I only wish that I could have heard that truck coming down the road, offering some type of warning to brace myself, before it hit me. Wowsers!

I spent a good part of the first night of 2015 in the bathroom. Not exactly how I envisioned the fresh start of a New Year. I had several commitments scheduled for today, plus I had hoped to enjoy a little R & R time off work. ‘Twas not meant to be. Realizing that I was going nowhere out of the house, I had to admit defeat, cancel my appointments and humbly crawl back to bed.

Even in the throes of sickness, realizing that I was down for the count, my mind still raced. I felt tremendous guilt for not being able to meet my obligations. I have overwhelming sadness that I have let people down who depend upon me and count on me for being somewhere when I say I will. I despise that feeling.

Why am I so hard on myself over this? I am, after all, human, and I am sick. Dealing with several autoimmune conditions does crazy stuff to your body, and I oftentimes feel like easy prey to every bug that is floating around out there. Kind of like being a helpless baby chicken surrounded by a pack of drooling, starving hyenas. The odds are not in my favor!

Autoimmune disease has a funny way of ruining your plans when you least expect it. You would think I would be accustomed to it after dealing with it for several years, but it still catches me off guard. I’m not complaining, rather just observing.

I need to treat myself with more grace and compassion. I’m quick to be sympathetic to my friends and family when unexpected and unpleasant situations happen to them, yet, when circumstances affect me personally, I feel angry and defeated. This type of behavior does not serve me well!

The lessons that I have learned the hard way on this 2nd day of 2015 are to be kind to myself; to rest when I need to rest and not harbor guilt or anxiety about it. Life will continue to go on just as it is supposed to. 
The world will NOT come to an end without me actively participating in it! I need to get over myself!

I wish all of you a very blessed, prosperous, and healthy 2015! Be good to yourself and to one another, and remember -

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."
~Corrie ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook






1 comment:

  1. Love your thinking! I hate that you are sick! Your sense of humor will carry you through, I just know it! Take care, little Buddy!

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