Ready or Not - it's 2015!

Happy New Year!

2015 is certainly starting off on an interesting note in the Csillag household.

Last night, hidden in the darkness, it lurked. It waited patiently in the dark corners, poised to strike like a cobra. When the moment was just right, it struck with a vengeance.

I only wish that I could have heard that truck coming down the road, offering some type of warning to brace myself, before it hit me. Wowsers!

I spent a good part of the first night of 2015 in the bathroom. Not exactly how I envisioned the fresh start of a New Year. I had several commitments scheduled for today, plus I had hoped to enjoy a little R & R time off work. ‘Twas not meant to be. Realizing that I was going nowhere out of the house, I had to admit defeat, cancel my appointments and humbly crawl back to bed.

Even in the throes of sickness, realizing that I was down for the count, my mind still raced. I felt tremendous guilt for not being able to meet my obligations. I have overwhelming sadness that I have let people down who depend upon me and count on me for being somewhere when I say I will. I despise that feeling.

Why am I so hard on myself over this? I am, after all, human, and I am sick. Dealing with several autoimmune conditions does crazy stuff to your body, and I oftentimes feel like easy prey to every bug that is floating around out there. Kind of like being a helpless baby chicken surrounded by a pack of drooling, starving hyenas. The odds are not in my favor!

Autoimmune disease has a funny way of ruining your plans when you least expect it. You would think I would be accustomed to it after dealing with it for several years, but it still catches me off guard. I’m not complaining, rather just observing.

I need to treat myself with more grace and compassion. I’m quick to be sympathetic to my friends and family when unexpected and unpleasant situations happen to them, yet, when circumstances affect me personally, I feel angry and defeated. This type of behavior does not serve me well!

The lessons that I have learned the hard way on this 2nd day of 2015 are to be kind to myself; to rest when I need to rest and not harbor guilt or anxiety about it. Life will continue to go on just as it is supposed to. 

The world will NOT come to an end without me actively participating in it! I need to get over myself!

I wish all of you a very blessed, prosperous, and healthy 2015! Be good to yourself and to one another, and remember -

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."

~Corrie ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook

Fried chicken and Bud Light

Catchy title, isn’t it? No, this blog post isn't about the terrors of Bud Light and fried chicken, and how they will affect your cholesterol AND your liver, although I don‘t condone indulging in either (at least not on a regular basis). Rather, I want to share with you a profound moment I experienced just the other day that involved these two very key elements.

The holidays, especially the entire month of December has always been a huge source of stress for me. I’m always lamenting about this and that, holiday parties, gifts, etc….you name it, I’m anxious about it. Try as I may to remain calm this time of year, I just don’t think it’s in my chemical makeup NOT to be stressed about something. Damn DNA.

That being said, there always seems to be some sort of internal conflict happening in my brain. I know I shouldn’t be stressed, yet I am….at the same time, I search for the blessings, the little nuggets of goodness that I know are buried out there, just waiting to be discovered. Whether it be witnessing the simple smile of a stranger in a crowded store, a fellow driver waving me to merge into traffic, or a random act of kindness - it matters not. What matters to me is that each incident reminds me of how good I have it. REALLY good. Sure, I could complain about the things I don’t have, but instead, I need to stay focused on all the good stuff, the multitude of things I DO have.

Let me elaborate. The other night, the hubs and I were walking the two pups. Naturally, being in the throes of winter at 6 pm, it was dark outside. We were chatting away, looking at the Christmas lights, and noticing the warm glows that radiated from the homes in our neighborhood. That is, until, we passed a house just a few doors down from ours. Standing in her kitchen was a neighbor, a casual acquaintance, that we only know briefly thru conversations as we pass each other in the street. We know enough of her to know that she is recently divorced, and this is her first Christmas since the break up. I glanced into her window as we passed, and was struck by the enormity of the fact she was standing in her kitchen, eating her dinner, all alone. The sadness that I felt at that moment overtook me, and I had to take a minute to compose myself. I made a comment to the hubs about it, and we both agreed that it must be very hard to be alone this time of year.

As we walked closer to our house, our neighbor across the street was just getting home. We know enough about him to know that his wife passed away recently, and he too is likely spending the holiday alone. As he emerged from his truck, he held a bucket of KFC fried chicken in one hand, and under his other arm cradled a 12 pack of Bud Light. Now, to some this may be a dinner of champions, but on this night all I could feel was heartache for this lonely man. Hubs and I both were quiet for a moment, and then he turned to me and quietly said, “I’m really glad I’m not eating fried chicken and Bud Light for dinner tonight.”

Me too.

In this magical, stressful, wonderful, crazy time of year, I am so blissfully grateful for all that life has bestowed upon me. I intend to cherish every moment I have with my friends and family, and not let the stress of "small stuff" override my joy.

My Christmas wish is that each and every one of you are able to go beyond the chaos of the holiday prep, past the packages and bows, outside all of the crowds, and really reflect on all the wondrous miracles that are in your present. Expand your senses, open your eyes, and savor every single magnificent moment life throws your way.

I know I intend to. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night.

“Christmas is joy, religious joy, an inner joy of light and peace.”
~Pope Francis

Apples Vs. Oranges

Apples Vs. Oranges

Contrary to your initial reaction to the title, this blog is NOT about fruit. Well, not literally anyway; let’s face it, some of us are fruitier than others. Nope, today’s title is more about the topic in a figurative sense.

We all recognize the saying that you can’t compare apples to oranges; they are, after all, completely different from each other. Yes, they are both members of the fruit family, but that is the extent of the characteristics they share.

The same theory applies to human beings. Yes, we are all part of the human race, but each one of us are so drastically different from one another. Not only are we are different in our outward appearance, but also in our feelings, desires, challenges, as well as our heart - in other words, the “meat and potatoes”, the substance of what makes us tick. Every one of us is beautifully unique by design.

Why then, do we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to one another? I caught myself doing this very thing at the gym the other day. You see, there is a gal who is in phenomenal shape; I see her running thru the streets like a gazelle and I can’t help but envy her. She lifts weights at the gym with ease and never even seems to crack much of a sweat. Naturally her dedication to fitness & health is reflected in her outward appearance, and I don’t think any article of clothing she put upon herself would look bad. I’ll be the first to admit it - I’m jealous! My legs are short and stocky, not thin and wispy like hers, and I feel more like a bulldog instead of a gazelle when I run. Years of being grossly overweight have taken their toll on my body, and I’ll never feel comfortable wearing just a sports bra and shorts like she does. I could go on and on, as a matter of fact I realize I’ve already obsessed too much about the comparison!

I had to stop my thoughts dead in their tracks whilst observing her at the gym. I have no idea, zilch, nada, nothing about her life, her challenges, her accomplishments, her setbacks, and her desires. I’m solely judging her by her appearance. What a disservice not only to her, but to myself as well!

Recently a friend who is struggling with her weight made a comment to me, and it really struck a chord. She said “If only I looked like you, if I was your size, I would be so happy.” My face flushed and I immediately felt embarrassed. I fumbled for the proper response because I was so blindsided by her kind remark.

It helped me to realize that we ALL are comparing ourselves to one another to various degrees. Instead of focusing on our shortcomings, we need to recognize where we have come from, what we have overcome. I easily forget that at one time in my life I weighed over 100 pounds from where I am now. This is a battle I fight every day, to stay healthy and keep the weight off, yet I am so quick to dismiss or forget about it. I get upset and frustrated that I can’t run as fast as I used to, but I forget that I have a slew of issues with my health that interfere with my normal activities…. I need to practice gratitude for the fact that I am able to even get out there and run!

The point I am trying to make this - no matter how old or young you are, fat or skinny, rich or poor, etc etc etc….these factors do not define YOU. A number on the scale or a dress size matters not in this world; rather, it’s what’s in your heart that counts. Look at all the challenges and setbacks you have overcome, and do a little victory dance! You did it!
Celebrate the most wonderful you no matter what stage of life you may be in.

Stop comparing yourself to other apples or oranges around you; each one of us is unique in our own beautiful way.

In the great big fruit basket of life, we compliment each other with the assortment, and our diversity is what makes us unique! Embrace and love YOU, whether apple or orange, and never forget how truly wonderful you are!

I Yam What I Yam!

To most folks this simple statement evokes memories of a favorite childhood cartoon and nothing more. Popeye the Sailor was a beloved character from many years past and almost seems forgotten as we entered into the new millennium.
However, for this gal, Popeye stands for something so much more….

“I Yam what I Yam.” A simple statement, perhaps a bit corny to some, trite to others. To me, this simple statement helped mold me into the person I am today. You see, the movie “Popeye” starring the beloved late Robin Williams was released in 1980. This was the year I was entering 8th grade, and like most of us, had no idea who I was or what I wanted to be. Add to the fact that I was painfully shy and terribly insecure, and you have the perfect storm for low self esteem.

When this particular movie was released I was overwhelming compelled to go see it alone, which I did. Multiple times. I fell in love with it so much that I insisted my Mom & brother load up into our compact car and see it together when it was featured at our local drive in.

Popeye was a character I could totally relate to and identify with. He was an outsider, shunned because of his “squinky” eye, bulbous forearms and odd dialect (hence the origin of “squinky”, “apologiky”, and my all time favorite, “disgustipated”) Popeye was different from all the others, and in my eyes, stood out like a shining beacon.

Popeye stood for what was true and just, and he never comprised when it came to ethical matters. Nope, he was proud to declare “I yam what I yam” to the world and never gave a minutes consideration to what the crowd thought of him. It didn’t matter, because he was himself always and that is what gave him bliss in life.

Here’s a quick snippet of some of my favorite lines and the video from I Yam what I Yam:

http://youtu.be/F8TRoMSG-5I

What am I? Some kind of barnacles on the dinghy of life?
I ain't no doctors but I knows when I'm losin' me patiensk
What am I? Some kind of judge, or a lawyers?
Aw, maybe not; but I knows what laws suits me
So what am I? I ain't no physciscisk, but I knows what matters
What am I? I'm Popeye, the sailor

And I yam what I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam 

And I gots a lot of muskle and I only gots one eye
And I never hurts nobodys and I'll never tell a lie
Tops to me bottoms and me bottoms to me top
And that's the way it is 'till the day that I drop
What am I?
I yam what I yam!
I yam what I yam what I yam what I yam what I yam, I’m Popeye the sailor man!

Forgive the repitition, but you get the point…..

As I have grown into adulthood I have carried the lessons with me that the simple character of Popeye taught me so many years ago. No matter what challenges we may face, or obstacles may appear before us, NEVER forget who you ARE. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, for the diversity in all of us is what makes this world a wonderful place to be.

And never, ever be afraid to declare to the world, “I yam what I yam!” 

Note: I will be forever grateful to Robin Williams for bringing a wonderful character to life on the big screen many years ago. His is a talent that will truly be missed. Rest in peace, Robin. 

How to Overcome Obstacles, by Sara Borgstede, Motivational Speaker and Writer

Today's post is authored by my guest blogger, Sara Borgstede.
Be sure to check out her website and podcasts at www.saraborgstede.com! 

How to Overcome Obstacles

When you are on a journey toward wellness of any type, you will come to obstacles in your path. Injury. Illness. Boredom. Work deadlines. Family crisis. Somewhere along the way, internal or external factors – often a combination of both, will block your way to your goal. Expect it to happen so that when it does you are not blindsided. Instead, meet these situations with the knowledge that troubles are part of the process.

Then follow these steps:

1.    Stay in your body and in the moment. My first open water race swimming experience, I panicked. Despite the fact that I had practiced swimming in open water, I freaked and had to be pulled out of the water in a boat. I swam off course and when I realized what had happened, this is where my mind started going. “Oh crap! I’m so far behind everyone else! I’m going to be last out of the water. Everyone is waiting for me. I’ll be swimming all by myself. I look like a total idiot out here.” My breathing increased, my heart rate sky rocketed, and suddenly I was in a full-blown panic attack.

Let’s look for a moment at where my thoughts were. My thoughts had flown out of my body and way out into the future. I was thinking about the swim finish line. I was thinking about the speed of the other swimmers. I was thinking about the thoughts of the lifeguards and coaches in the boats. None of my thoughts were about my body or my swim. I was totally outside of myself. The way to stay calm is to stay with your own body and in your own moment.

2.    Remind yourself, YOU are not your goal. You are a unique person with much to offer the world because you are alive. You are a mom, a dad, a teacher, a banker, whoever you are. None of that changes if you meet this goal or not. The people in your life who love you, will still love you. Those who respect and admire you will not lose respect for you if this goal is not accomplished. They will admire your determination for trying.

3.    This goal will change you for the better, whether you accomplish it or not. A couple years ago I was finishing the training season for the longest triathlon I had attempted, a Half Ironman, and race day was looming. I had spent the good part of a year training for this one day. I felt as if so much was riding on my performance at this race. I nervously asked my very wise coach, “What if I don’t finish this race?” She told me, “If you finish, you set a great example for your kids of determination and spirit. If you don’t finish, you will set a great example for them of handled disappointment with grace.” Allow this moment to shape you into becoming a better person, no matter the results.

The medal I received for the first triathlon I completed has this saying etched around the edge, “The person who starts the race is not the same person who finishes it.” It is not accomplishing you goal that changes you. It is the reaching toward it that molds you into a successful person. The times I’ve crossed the finish line have felt freakin’ fantastic! The times I haven’t felt horrible, yes – yet they were necessary for shaping me into who I am now.

Either way, you win.

What are YOU Doing Badly? By Sara Borgstede

What are You Doing Badly?

By Sara Borgstede

I am in the middle of a new business venture. After a number of years of speaking and writing on a volunteer basis, this winter I decided to make my business official. Ten years ago I lost over 100 pounds and completely transformed my life by going from couch potato to triathlete, all while balancing my busy family of 5 children, including 2 with special needs. People love to hear my story of inspiration. Still, talking about it is one thing. Turning it into a profitable business is totally another.

I started learning. I took classes through our location small business association. I purchased a business license. My husband helped me set up a website, and here I am. I’ve had some great successes. I’ve enjoyed speaking to wonderful groups of people. Writing for my blog has been awesome and we’ve enjoyed some exciting traffic coming in.

I’ve also had some big flops. We’ve had technology go down. We accidentally emailed out links to all the podcasts we were supposed to be launching in July as an incentive for people to come to the website, after we had been working for months on the project. Oops.

This summer I am attending a writer’s conference in North Carolina. One of the benefits of the conference is that representatives from several publishing companies will be there, and we could sign up for a chance for a 15 minute meeting with these reps to pitch a book idea. I thought, “Sure, why not? Sign me up!” Then I learned I needed to bring a book proposal. I had no idea what was involved in writing a book proposal. People sometimes spend a year or more writing this 30-50 page document which includes market analysis, a chapter outline, and explanation of your platform, sample chapters, and more. Oops.

Next week I am attending this conference and my book proposal is almost finished. Is it polished and professional? No, probably not. But I’m going with what I’ve got. It’s my best today. Who knows what will come of the opportunity?

Am I getting all freaked out over these mess ups? No. Check out my website which is www.saraborgstede.com. The name of my blog is “Balancing in the Holy Mess.” Life is messy! There is no “perfect” and I don’t expect it of myself. Are you expecting it of yourself? Are you holding back from trying new things until you think you can get it just right? If you are, you are missing out on the best in life. Winners don’t wait.

I have learned through my weight loss experiences, through my triathlon experiences, through my training, through my parenting, and through my faith, that messing up is part of the deal. If you aren’t messing some stuff up, you need to take a serious look at your life and ask yourself if you are playing it too safe.

You need to be doing some things badly.

There is no shame in starting at the beginning. There is no shame in messing up, either. Say, “oops, I messed up.” Admit your mistakes, apologize when needed, and move on. The more you develop healthy relationships, the more people around you will accept you and understand the missteps. Often they love you all the more for it anyway.

What is your dream? Do you need to get back to the gym? Do you need to lose weight? Do you want to run a 5K or a marathon? You can do it and you can start today. Accept that you will mess up along the way. Plan for mess ups as part of the process, so you don’t freak out when they happen.

Then get out there and do it. I’m cheering for you!

Holding out for a HERO

Do you remember the 80’s movie “Footloose” starring Kevin Bacon?

The popular musical theme was a Bonnie Tyler song titled “Holding out for a Hero”.....
Here’s a quick snippet of the lyrics:

“Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life…”

This evening I was fortunate enough to witness evidence of a true hero in my life, whom which I not only share my life with but also my heart.

Jack and I set out for our usual evening “block walk”, which is named to induce his last poop of the day. As we departed on our usual lap tonight, the temps were warm and the sun was high in the sky. However, as the typical summer storms of late have proven, the skies quickly changed and become dark and foreboding.

As the thunder started to boom, and winds began to blow, my young pup began to grow anxious, as this is still all new to him and his puppy brain.
As we rounded the block, still about halfway home, the rain began to pour down - in buckets. Jack was not a happy camper -and me, still gimping along in my clunky, confining boot- well, it was only a matter of 10 seconds before we were both completely drenched. If it was only me, if would have been OK, for I know I wasn't too terribly far from home, and chances are all would be well. However, as a puppy “Mom”, I could see the anxiety in Jack’s eyes for what was happening all around him. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend all of what was unfolding before his eyes.

No sooner than I realized how stressed out my boy was, and how awful it was not to be able to get out of the rain any sooner than I could, that my hero appeared…not riding a white steed, but driving a black Ford pickup truck. He had seen the storm roll in and was compelled to search the block to rescue Jack & I and save us from the storm.

Even though we weren’t far from home, seeing John driving down the street to rescue Jack & I was awesome. I was very moved, and Jack and I welcomed his warm, dry truck as refuge!

I am still counting my blessings for the special boys in my life. Toby Turtle, for being, well, his turtle-wonderful himself! Jack is my special young man who fills the void Daisy girl left…..and my beloved husband John, whom I have had the supreme pleasure of being married to for almost 25 years. We’ve been thru thick and thin, ups & downs, and have grown stronger and better with each passing day. He truly is my HERO, and for that, I am most thankful.

Everyday HEROES are wonderful gifts, never to be taken for granted in this girls book.

Turn Turn Turn

As I was driving the other day, the song “Turn! Turn! Turn!” by the Byrds came on the radio. Suddenly I found myself captivated by the lyrics I have heard probably thousands of times in my lifetime. For whatever reason, this time they really had profound meaning to me.

"Turn! Turn! Turn!”  by the Byrds

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

I entered into a melancholy state, reflecting on the last decade of my life; all the changes, the losses as well as the gains, the pain, and all the joy.

Ten years ago at this time we were packing up for a dream vacation to Hawaii. I was feeling great, in the best shape of my life, so much so that I even donned my first bikini as we lay upon the beach. I felt wonderful and we made memories to last a lifetime.
Where did the time go? What happened to my life? I blinked and suddenly it’s 10 years later.

My work now vs. 10 years ago is without a doubt infinitely more rewarding, but I am making less money than I used to. A loss? Perhaps, if you look at it as strictly dollars and cents. Would I do it again? You bet. I was dying a slow torturous death at a job I disliked greatly. It was a phenomenal gain for me to shift gears, go back to school, and go in another direction. I am truly blessed because I love my work now.

Several close friends have entered my life within the last 10 years, and each and every one of them left a permanent fingerprint on my heart. A dear friend can shine the light in midst of total darkness.

In 2010 I ran 2 marathons, and logged over 1000 miles….now, I cannot even run around the block. This stings a lot, and feels like a tremendous loss. However, I will not give up hope, nor will I view this as a permanent situation. There has to be a reason for the tumultuous times, the storms of our lives, the ups and downs. I believe one of those reasons is for us to learn from the experience and grow stronger because of the setbacks. Maybe, just maybe, armed with this new knowledge, I can then pay it forward and help someone who may share the same struggles.

Whilst being grounded from running, I feel fortunate that I find I have more time to focus on my writing & personal growth.

It’s rather ironic how confining yet liberating a situation can be. Having my left foot in a boot has definitely forced me to slow down, to take the time to stop and smell the roses. It helps me appreciate things so much more.

It’s an old wives tale that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Yes, change is more difficult, but its absolutely necessary to grow as a person. I don’t want my life to become so predictable and still that it becomes a stagnant pond full of mosquitoes.

Toss me a lifejacket and churn up that water! It’s gonna be a wild ride!

"A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late!"

Real Beauty, Defined

They say writing is cathartic, healing, a form of self-expression at its finest; the sharing of intimate thoughts, soul bearing.
I guess it’s time to promote some self healing, as I have attempted to hide my struggles for too long. Now is the time to come clean. Why not put pen to paper and see what happens?

All my life I have struggled with the concept and definition of BEAUTY. Webster defines beauty as such:
“Beauty: a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.”

My own self realization of beauty was flawed, and I struggled to find where I fit in.

It’s no secret that I have struggled with my weight most of my life. I heard “But you have such a pretty face” followed by “if only you lost weight” so many times I flippin’ lost count. Back in those days, beauty equaled thinness. Having a Mom who was thin, statuesque, and striking didn’t help matters much. Thanks for the genes, Dad.

Fourteen years ago I began a wondrous weight loss journey and felt as though I had finally discovered my true self - Jill - the person I had longed to be all those previous years. As the weight dropped off my body the attention I received grew, and I felt fabulous. Suddenly I was human, worthy, no longer the “fat girl“ sitting in the corner. I grew fit, strong, healthy. I vowed I would never ever go back to the hell that I was bound to all those years prior.

I was able to maintain my weight loss and fitness for quite a while with relative ease, and discovered a passion for running. I couldn’t get enough of it, 5ks, 10ks, 20ks, half marathons, full marathons. I had aspirations of running an ultra marathon before I hit the age of 50. I was golden, set for life….or, so I thought.

Then the auto-immune disease bus rolled into town with a ticket just for little ole’ me. It started innocently enough - hypothyroidism. Please! No big deal, take a pill every day, problem solved. Next came asthma - Pfft! Asthma Phasma! Suck an inhaler, pop a pill, and I’m good to go. Done! (Please note that I do not mean to imply that any of these conditions aren’t life changing and serious, they are -- I was just fortunate enough to get a handle on them with assistance from some great doctors.)

Well, that wasn’t the end of that. After the bus left town the auto-immune train chugged into the depot. Months of excruciating abdominal pain accompanied with the worst case of non-stop Montezuma’s revenge plagued me for several months. No answers, just a plethora of tests that left me even sicker and bathroom-ridden. I must have read 4 novels in the “library” while waiting for an answer to this riddle. Finally, a diagnosis was made- Collagenous Colitis. To be more specific, a form of Inflammatory Bowel disease, closely related to Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis - just more rare. Lucky me. I should buy some lottery tickets.

This took more effort to conquer, and some days it still tries to get the better of me. But - I win! Post diagnosis, my belly full of meds and a modified diet, I was back to working out and pounding the pavement. Only major difference was now I knew to scout out all the bathrooms on my route, as well as carry a baggie full of Imodium pills, just in case.

Ha! I am invincible, nothing can stop this girl, right?! Little did I know that my strongest foe thus far was lurking in the shadows, just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Hiss! Rheumatoid Arthritis struck like a cobra, along with a smigden of Lupus for good measure (actually they are both intertwined into mixed connective tissue disease). This foe entered my life last year, and down I went.

RA is some seriously nasty stuff, and I am no where near to an answer to this puzzle - YET. Trial and error, with a cocktail of drugs that are wrecking havoc on my body is the game plan for now. Incredibly frustrating in the fact one day can be vastly different from the next. Pain in some fashion is the NEW norm now in my life.

Here is where the perception of “beauty” and its challenges comes into play. With auto-immune diseases, you don’t look “sick” on the outside, but there is a war waging with your body. Your very own cells are literally attacking each other, and it ain’t pretty.

I can see the subtle changes that RA has made to my body already - fingers & toes swell, new nodules blooming on my joints causing pain that makes simple tasks daunting. Puffiness and swelling from the drugs and disease itself, stiffness, malaise…..just to name a few. My body was so dependent upon and now craves the vigorous cardio I was once able to do with ease. As a result, 8 pounds have appeared and it’s hard as hell to get them off. But, work I must - as hard as I can to fight the fight.

I see pictures of myself and cringe, so afraid the 115 pounds lost all those years will come back to me, especially considering my current physical state. However, I know deep in my heart that outward beauty is totally superficial. True beauty is present in so many forms and cannot be easily defined.

True beauty can be present anywhere and anytime, from a simple loving gesture between friends to an exchange of wedding vows between lovers. I see the beauty in the moment as I scoop up my puppy so he can give me “puppy kisses”. I have witnessed a dear friend go thru a cancer diagnosis & subsequent chemotherapy treatments, lose her hair, and blossom into an even more beautiful woman than she was before!

I am privileged to witness inner & outer beauty blooming in my clients as they push thru a hard workout session. Inner beauty reflects their pride and outer beauty showcases their determination and sweat for a job well done! Nothing can compare to that, nothing!

I am always preaching that our weight does not define us, and now I guess it’s my turn to literally practice what I preach. I will work as hard as I can to keep my weight consistent, yet at the same time not lament about 5, 8, or even 10 pounds. True beauty has little to do with outward appearances, and is much more evident in our hearts & souls, our actions, and our behavior towards one another. True beauty shines thru no matter how thick the clouds may be.

I will do my very best every day to nourish my body, exercise as hard as I am able, and most importantly, to feed my soul.
I will not let RA define me as a person, nor will I allow it to take ownership of my life. I will strive to be the very best I can be, every day of my life.

Life is too short to do otherwise. Don’t you agree?

Breaking Old Molds

Isn't it ironic how we adults carry so much baggage from our childhood into our adult lives? We truly are bound by so many chains from our past, chains that serve no purpose other than to hold us down.
I find myself struggling at times to "break free" from the tiny confining molds I squished myself into when I was younger.

To quote Bob Dylan, "The times they are A-Changin", at least in this blogger's life.

Growing older is such an oxymoron. Awful in the fact that gravity plays so many cruel tricks on our physical bodies....in such a way that is comical. Standing in front of a mirror in your birthday suit can reduce a person to tears or hysterical laughter on any given day. Keep rolling with the punches is my motto!
With age comes wisdom, which in itself is a wonderful gift......we have the maturity and the patience to challenge ourselves to break free from the molds of our past that no longer serve our needs.

We have the ability to expand our thoughts & our consciousness as long as the heart and soul are receptive - what a wonderful adventure if you are willing to take the leap!

In my pursuit for personal growth and desire to break free from old molds from my past, I have stumbled upon a book that challenges my archaic way of thinking (thanks Sarah for the encouragement!!). It's a wildly exciting concept to change my actual perception of life and encounters that occur on a daily basis and view things in a different light.

There are endless opportunities in this great big world to grow emotionally & spiritually if you are ready to take the chance. Have the faith to dive into the pool of your subconscious mind without abandon and see what happens. We'll either sink or swim, but regardless of the outcome, we will come away from the experience richer because of it.

"What we think, we create."

 (**Excerpt from E-Squared, by Pamela Grout)

Humbled.

I've been lax about blogging lately, and it's time to become more disciplined about it. Funny how life has a way of interrupting our normal routine. Lately it feels as though I am jettisoning into a dozen different directions at the same time. Time to simplify and refocus.

 Webster's Dictionary has this as the definition of humble:
"not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive." That pretty much sums things up lately. Life has thrown a few curve balls my way that have caught my attention. Humbled. Me.Yep.

I had the most remarkable morning today, which has humbled me even further. I spent the early hours of the day with awesome co-workers & incredible friends, each of whom played a key part in orchestrating a beautifully choreographed Kids Triathlon that went off without a hitch.

The kids were absolutely amazing. Simply awesome to watch. Breathtaking at times. To witness the determination on a child's face, leaping into a pool without abandon, hopping on and then off a bicycle with grace, and then furiously willing their little legs to go faster and faster -- well, it was without a doubt one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed.

These kids have the heart of lions. Each and every one of them.

I'm grateful. And inspired. Grateful that I was able to be a part of such an awesome event and witness it first hand. I'm inspired too - despite the fact I am unable to run either fast or long (or anywhere in-between at the present moment!), I realize the importance of simply moving forward. One step at a time, doesn't matter how slow. I will continue to do the best I can do, which will be different from day to day. Perseverance will be my new mantra in life. Hopefully, with a little time and patience, I'll find my groove again.

In the meantime, it's really cool to witness others, especially the wee folk, reach their goals. I'll never forget the lessons I learned today.

A heroic tale

My husband rocks.

The other day, he did the most absolutely amazing thing, in my book anyway.

You see, at the school where he works, there is a lovely courtyard nestled between the buildings. There are some very special inhabitants of said courtyard – two precious-most-adorable-box-turtles. Some of you are probably scratching your head & wonder since when are box turtles adorable? In this girl’s book ALL turtles are adorable, and yes, I admit to being totally biased on that fact. However, let’s just keep that little tidbit between you and I; Toby Turtle would be insanely jealous if he found out he wasn’t my one & only. Anyway, these precious-most-adorable-box-turtles reside in the courtyard year round, even hibernating during the winter season, and have thrived there for several years.

The other morning as my beloved was performing his daily rounds, checking on the building before the chaos of the day began, he had the most intense urge to go check on the turtles. Call it fate, or some cosmic force pulling him to where he needed to be in the universe at that exact moment, or even a mere coincidence if you must – whatever it was, he listened to his intuition and headed to the courtyard pronto.

As he entered the courtyard, (get your Kleenex ready) one of the precious-most-adorable-box-turtles was smack dab in the middle of the murky, muddy, slimy, algae filled pond, completely still. First impressions were NOT pleasant by any means; the husband rushed over to assess the damage and free the turtle from his watery grave, certain that the little fellow had gone to meet his maker. Unlike Toby Turtle, who is a swimmer extraordinaire, box turtles are not aquatic and can drown in the smallest amounts of water.

Imagine the husband’s surprise & delight when the little fellow lifted his head up as he was being freed to look at his rescuer, as if he was using his last ounce of strength to convey the sentiment “thank you God!”

Precious-most-adorable-box-turtle was gently placed on dry land, and it’s rumored that he gazed at his rescuer with an intensely grateful grin. Precious-most-adorable box turtle #2 came out of hiding to sit with precious-most-adorable-box-turtle #1, and there they sat together for a good portion of the morning, until both had recovered from the trauma and had enough energy to go about their normal business of basking, eating, snoozing, and more basking. Lather, rinse, & repeat.

As my husband recanted this entire experience to me, naturally I gushed about what a hero he was, and peppered him with hugs & kisses. It was a good day.

One can only imagine the thoughts of desperation and hopelessness this little box turtle must have gone thru, and for how long his ordeal lasted.  At the moment when all hope was lost, and he more than likely accepted his fate, a miracle happened. Did he expect that miracle? Highly doubtful. Was his dire situation drastically changed in one minute’s time? You bet it was.

Next time you are feeling as if you are stuck in the mud, unable to free yourself from whatever bonds may be holding you down, when all seems hopeless – remember the story of the precious-most-adorable-box-turtle. In one split second, a miracle happened in his life & he was given another chance. Another chance to learn from his mistake, grow from it, and to never repeat it – no looking back, no regrets, simply moving forward and embracing each new day and all the wonders contained within.

Miracles really DO happen. We just have to slow down enough to watch for them, or we might miss them.

Where's the love??

At the risk of sounding cliché, I simply cannot think of a better title for this blog posting. Before I lose you completely, please let me elaborate on my experience that has prompted this post….

Today my hubby and I decided it would be a great day to hit the bike path for a nice leisurely bike ride; the weather was perfect and we wanted to take it all in. Naturally, many other fitness enthusiasts shared the same sentiment as we did, and the path was quite congested with other cyclists, walkers, runners, and even the occasional rollerblader. It was an idyllic scene - the sunshine was vibrant & warm, birds were singing lovely springtime melodies, and I wished time could stand still so the experience would never end.

That is, however, until we set upon our ride………how quickly the mood changed! Since we were not in any hurry, many cyclists felt the need to pass us. No big deal, I understand the need-for-speed, and we did our best to accommodate and line up in single file so they could safely pass. More often than not, as we were passed, there was no “thank you” or acknowledgement of any sort. Hmmmm….you’re welcome?

Even worse was the attitude of bicyclists that were going the opposite direction. I strive to be a friendly person, and always say “Hello” to those I pass; after my greeting was ignored several times, I decided to perform an experiment and keep track of my reciprocated greetings. I am so saddened to report that my success rate was less than 40%!! This, of course, is taking into account the hard core athletes who are “in the zone” and merely didn’t hear my greeting, or were conserving their oxygen levels by not speaking; I’ve been there/done that, so they were readily excused in my experiment.

 Nope, I am talking about the Sunday-driver type who were out there like me, chilling out & going for a nice bicycle ride on a lovely day. Several of them appeared to have a phobia about even establishing eye contact with me, and when the words “hello” were muttered from my lips they sped up as fast as their legs would carry them to escape the uncomfortable encounter. This can really give a person a complex, ya know!

Did I have B.O.? Well, I was sweating a bit, but a quick armpit check assured me that wasn’t the case. Spinach in my teeth? No, nothing nestled between my choppers. What could it be? Me?

As I carried on this internal dialogue in my head, and was able to convince myself that it wasn’t ME, I eventually resigned myself to the fact that folks just aren’t as friendly as they used to be. Perhaps in this day and age we are all so consumed with our own lives & problems that we fail to realize that there are OTHER human beings on this planet too. How tragic, to miss out on so many opportunities to meet someone new, exchange a smile, perhaps even make a wonderful new friend.

This does not mean, however, that everyone is completely self absorbed; I did receive several enthusiastic “Hello’s!” & “How ya doing?” that I appreciated immensely and generated a grin from ear to ear on my face. I even received a very helpful tip from a kind man who told me that I “would benefit from having my seat raised just a tiny bit”. Cool, thanks!

So, the moral of this story is that I will continue to greet all those I meet, whether it be in the grocery store, walking my dog in the neighborhood, or bicycling down a crowded bike path on a gorgeous day, and I readily encourage you to do the same.

Even though I may be rejected by many, I will embrace and relish the folks who accept & return my greeting, and cherish them so much more. Life is good!

Young women & weight gain

Did you happen to see this article in Yahoo Health that was published today?
http://news.yahoo.com/weight-gain-often-unrecognized-young-women-170314151.html

I find this to be an incredibly sad trend. Growing up in the 70's, as a young child & a teenager, I WAS VERY aware of my weight issues and how it made me vastly different from my peers. I totally stood out from everyone else because of my size, but I had NO idea of the health risks that were associated with being obese into adulthood. Back in "the good ole days" most kids were a healthy weight (unlike yours truly).

The startling fact is that now we do know more about the health risks associated with being overweight or obese, yet our kids (and adults for that matter) are getting heavier by the day. I am passionate in my belief that, as parents, we must help our kids adopt a healthier lifestyle to avoid becoming overweight in the first place. One-third of Americans are already classified as overweight or obese; at this rate, I expect within the next 5-10 years over half of Americans will be struggling with their weight issues.

It's up to us as parents & role models to demonstrate healthy behaviors, which include incorporating more fruits & vegetables into our diets, as well as daily exercise, to SHOW our children how to live a healthier lifestyle. After all, aren't we ALL worth it?

Our kids are depending on us! Let's not let them down!

Changes in the tide...

I just got home a few minutes ago from a very exciting event...details to follow soon. Anyway, as I walked in the door, I wanted to do something special to celebrate. I walked into my office and selected a stick of my very favorite incense and lit it, and savored the aroma. Ah.

As I sit here, with my stomach complaining big time from hunger, it dawns on me how much my lifestyle has changed. The old me, the 244+ pound Jill, would have immediately scoured the kitchen for something to eat to celebrate my good news, most likely leading to a feeding frenzy binge, most likely with no conscious thought of what I was even eating. Now, I have replaced that desire by rewarding myself in other ways. That is the KEY to long term success for me.

So, on this journey called LIFE, I shall continue to find non-food ways to reward myself and celebrate my victories with. As we venture into a brand new year, I challenge YOU to do the same.

Eat to live, don't live to eat. Trust me, I know how true this sentiment is.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Lower calorie deelish Christmas cookie recipe to try!

I know some of you are probably at the start line of a cookie baking marathon.....so I wanted to share a yummy healthier option recipe, courtesy of Richard Simmons. Meringue cookies are very crispy and can really satisfy a sweet tooth, without sabatoging your caloric intake for the day, plus the red & green appearance makes them very festive for Christmas. So give them a try & hope you enjoy!

Red And Green Christmas Meringue Cookies

 (Serves  12)

  

2 Egg whites
1/8 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Cream of tarter
1 tsp Vanilla
3/4 Cup confectioner's sugar
Red and green food coloring

 

Preheat oven to 250.

1. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. With an electric mixer, beat egg whites on medium until foamy. Add salt, cream of tarter and vanilla and beat until stiff peaks form.
3. Add sugar a little at a time until it is all incorporated.
4. Separate meringue in half and add 1 drop of red food coloring to ½ recipe and 1 drop of green to other batch and mix to combine.
5. Place meringue in piping bag and pipe cookies onto parchment paper. You can use a little meringue in the corner of each sheet to hold it in place.
6. Bake for about 1 hour, rotating and turning baking sheets throughout cooking. They are done when they can be lifted from the baking sheet easily.
7. Test by removing one and cooling a little see if it breaks apart easily and is crisp and dry (it is done). It won't hurt the others to let them cook while you are checking.

Additional Tips

Other extracts work well in this recipe as well, experiment with different colors and tips on the piping bag, as you like. It is very important when you are beating egg whites that there is no yellow and the bowl you are mixing in is very clean and dry. Mixing should be done at room temperature.

Nutritional Information:
32 Calories, .6 gm Protein, 7.5 gm Carbohydrate, 0 gm Fat, 0 mg Cholesterol, 34 mg Sodium

For the Garlic lovers out there!

Do you love garlic, not only for it's taste but also for the wonderful health benefits? I do too, but I find I cannot tolerate raw or lightly cooked garlic anymore. Here's a great simple recipe that is absolutely tasty and low fat, and as a bonus, doesn't leave you with garlic breath!

Take one full head of garlic, and slice off the top, just exposing a small bit of the cloves within. Drizzle a bit of olive oil and sprinkle with kosher salt. Wrap the entire head in aluminum foil and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for one hour.

Once cooled, simply squeeze the yummy roasted garlic out of the cloves and into a serving dish. I also like to add some additional kosher salt and mush it all together. This garlic spread is incredibly tasty and can be used on bread, bagels, or mixed into mashed potatoes or anything for that matter. This stuff is so yummy it would be good on ice cream!!! 

A new weight loss technique! ;-)

I know we are all looking for the newest greatest trend in appetite suppression and weight loss.......well, hang on friends because I have found it, and it only costs a mere $1.99!!!

When a craving hits for something sweet, I want you to have a couple of the newest Jelly Belly jellybeans before your snack. Sounds simple & tasty, right? The only stipulation is that you must have one of the "Beanboozled" flavors. The brown one could be chocolate pudding (yum!) or DOG FOOD.
The yellowish ones could be buttered popcorn or ROTTEN EGG.

I guarantee you that after one or two of these luscious flavors, your appetite (and most likely your lunch too!) will disappear, and you won't be hungry for HOURS.

I'm not a paid endorser of this product, but sampled them earlier today with my daughter, and I am still completely disgusted. ;-)

High calorie dining out, kicked up a notch

This past week I have seen advertising for 2 new high calorie contenders in the dining out arena, and I feel compelled to share my findings with you.

Golden Corral has added a Chocolate Fountain to it's already beefy dessert lineup, and KFC (that's Kentucky Fried Chicken to non-locals) has now added BACON to it's already hefty mashed-potato-fried-chicken-strips-corn-gravy-cheese mess thrown into a bowl. To be fair, here is how KFC describes this concoction on it's website:

"We start with a generous serving of our creamy mashed potatoes, layered with sweet corn and loaded with bite-sized pieces of crispy chicken. Then we drizzle it all with our signature home-style gravy and top it off with a shredded three-cheese blend. It's all your favorite flavors coming together."

All I can say is ICK. And, as of this writing, their website is not yet updated to reflect the addition of BACON to this bowl in their nutrition facts. Hmmmmmm.

Golden Corral at least does have their nutrition facts listed for the glorious Chocolate Fountain. Are you ready for this?
Serving size is 2 Tablespoons. TWO TABLESPOONS. Did you get that? 2 Tablespoons, that's it folks.....not much.

Calories:210. Fat grams: 15 grams, 9 of which are saturated.

Now, you must take into consideration that for diners who happen to be supping at Golden Corral, these calories & fat grams are IN ADDITION to a meal that surely exceeds the recommended caloric intake for one day. Most of the folks who dine at Golden Corral are not filling up on salad, I can assure you -- and believe me when I say that from experience. I used to dine with the best of them, loading up on every fried fatty concoction I could get my hands upon. I felt ripped off if I didn't have at least 2 trips to the entree bar and then sample at least 3 desserts.....after all, it's all you can eat, right?? Get your money's worth, and if you don't roll out of there, well then you didn't stuff yourself quite enough.

I mean no disrespect to either KFC or Golden Corral -- they serve this type of food because we as consumers demand it. Remember the lower calorie hamburger "The McLean" McDonald's sold? It was a complete dud and pulled from the market. And now they are reporting that despite adding apple slices to their menu as an substitute for french fries in happy meals, the majority of parents are still ordering the fries for their children.

As long as we demand and consume unhealthy foods, restaurants will continue producing them. We have to make smarter choices when it comes to food, to be accountable for our own choices, and educate our children on ways to eat healthier.

If we don't do something now, our children are going to be the ones who suffer -- and future generations as well. Let's break the cycle while there is still time.

The Importance of Positive Self Talk

Have you ever caught yourself saying things like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm too fat to wear that" or any other negative self talk? Our bodies really do physically hear those words, and in turn this has a huge impact on our self esteem.

We all have bad days where we doubt our abilities, talents, and even obsess about our bodies and everything wrong with them. "Why can't I lose 10 pounds and look like her? I don't have near the talents that she does....." etc. etc. etc.

When we find ourselves parroting these negative statements to ourselves, put on the brakes and STOP. Negative affirmations are just as powerful as positive ones, possibly even more so. If you say something to yourself enough times, sooner or later you are going to believe it.

My wish is that every single day everyone says at least one positive affirmation to themselves, and sincerely mean it. I've begun a journal just for affirmations of that sort, and when I am having a tough day, it really boosts my spirits to reflect on some of my positive attributes.

Give it a try! I promise you won't regret it. Believe in yourself, because you can do anything you set your mind to ~  don't forget to tell yourself that!